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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.