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Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.