Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping…..Ha, try online dating
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...