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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Keep calm and drink on.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.