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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!