Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
Iām that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.