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You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.