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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.