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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.