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Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....