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If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.