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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!