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Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver