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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
This post is just for you.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.