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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.