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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.