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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria