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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.