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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. Iām gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.