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Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.