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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.