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People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.