Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
I just awesomed all over the place.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
What if the weather talks about us?
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.