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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Line forms here for spankings
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light