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If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook