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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
I just awesomed all over the place.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.