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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.