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What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.