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The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.