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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?