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“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Plan B includes margaritas.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.