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Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.