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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
I only accept apologies in cash.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.