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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.