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Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.