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I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.