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According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."