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New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.