Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.