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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.