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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?