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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.