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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.