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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b