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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.