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"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.