Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.