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Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
How do nudist clean their glasses?
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
awesome collection!
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.