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Match dot com, but for socks.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.