Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.