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Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.