Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.