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People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!