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There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.