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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.