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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.