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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis