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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.