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My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.