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I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.