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Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
With great power comes great electricity bill.
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?