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Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
I give myself the best presents.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I want it all and I want it delivered.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.