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Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
Three weeks without a signal typo!
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?