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I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
heyy lol
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!