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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.