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As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol