Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....