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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!