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The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
Do bees even have knees?
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.