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Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
I give myself the best presents.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
My memory foam has amnesia